The epidemic of one-sided friendships didn’t begin with Girlfriends’ Joan and Toni or Being Mary Jane‘s MJ and Lisa. If ongoing celebrity Twitter beefs and chart topping songs, “Loyal” and “No New Friends,” are any indication of the state of friendship and the constant balancing act it takes to keep them afloat, then the epidemic of one-sided friendships deserves a hashtag and a spring cleaning, fall season be damned.
Even with the demands of life—especially as adulthood and parenthood have the tendency to seize a great amount of our time—those demands shouldn’t be built-in excuses to suck as a friend.
Because I’m a bit dramatic and have a penchant for remembering great quotes, I like to reference friendship to that of oxygen. Lauryn Hill was quoted in a glossy whose name I can’t recall, stating that people are like oxygen. From my experience friends—the real kind—are like oxygen; much needed to survive.
Friendship, while very subjective, is at its core reciprocal. Although #ByeFelecia has become a hashtag-turned-television series, we who know the ’90s hit movie Friday to be a modern classic, realize the reason Felecia was so often dismissed is because she came around only to receive, never to give.
So in an effort to begin early spring cleaning, use this list created by Rise by Design Coaching as a litmus test to gauge if it’s time for you to say “bye Felecia” to a few of your friends. You may even discover that you’re the Felecia amongst your friends.
Signs You Are Involved in a One-Sided Friendship:
- Your friend is always asking favors of you, but never returns them
- You initiate contact most, if not all, of the time
- Your friend invites other friends to share activities instead of you
- Your friend always has an excuse as to why they can’t get together
- Your friend rarely calls you back
- You take the time to reach out and be there for your friend during hard times, but your friend doesn’t do the same for you.
- Your friend justifies their lack of thoughtfulness & engagement to “I’m just not that good with keeping in touch”.
- Well wishes, such as for birthdays or holidays, are not reciprocated
- Your friend doesn’t follow through with what they say they are going to do
- They only surface when it’s convenient for them